Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
