Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
