C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
