everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake đź‘Ś
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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