Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
