Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
