lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
