I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize