Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
