I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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