dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Terrible idea I love it
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
