Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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