he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
