I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
