I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm at about main and main street
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
