We're like a lot better than the average bears
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
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How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
No I am not eating basil off your cock
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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