I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
i believe in u and ur pee
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
