The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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