he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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