i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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