OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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