There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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