video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We were destined to go to rehab together
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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