she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
