so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize