3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm always down for nudity.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
