Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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