Apparently you make a good broom.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
