Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
