dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
