Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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