The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
