It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
