dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
