Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize