let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
