he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Acid is not a monday night drug
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I have peed in a lot of sinks
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
