I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
