Your mouth is God's brothel.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
