Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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