areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
