You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
