Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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