I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
