I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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