Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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