I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
