Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
