does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
