we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
In other news, I just burned my penis
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
