I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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