i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Congratulations! We have a period
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