we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
