But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
