apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
