; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Everything about him screamed your future.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
