whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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