the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
