I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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