i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
