I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize