I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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