I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
