but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
