so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
