Who did Billy Mays play for?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
