I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
