if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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