i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
