Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize
