Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
