it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
