I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
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I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
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Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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