I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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