Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
