Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I love having hate sex.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
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apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
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I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
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