its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We left an ass print on the piano.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
