now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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