After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
