i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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