12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
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Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
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I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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