I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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