are you so shy because you have an std?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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