She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
