I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
